When I was a child, I literally had no real friends – you know, the kind with whom you laugh and share your paper dolls and who are sad when you cry.  And, I had  no social skills either.  My parents virtually never invited anyone to our home.  I don’t remember helping prepare a meal or a party.  Since Mother was angry much of the time, my belief was that something was very wrong with me, unrealizing she had some heavy concerns to bear. 

Anyway, I was relieved to marry because I identified with a name that suffered the very visible shame of feeling unwanted and unloved.  With a new name in a new city, I thought I had a better chance of being liked, at least until people got to know me well enough to then quit liking me.  I knew I had the ability to attract people, just not keep them. 

Bringing this to mind recently brought to me the most delightful epiphany.  That was then, a product of my own mind; this is now.  Lacerating myself every time someone responded to me differently than I had intended no longer applies.  Second guessing myself and then deciding I have embarrassed myself publicly once again is a perception that is no longer useful.  

The ‘Today Truth’ is that I have lots of friends – happy, loving, caring, sweet, kind friends – people who find joy in having me as a friend and who brighten every corner of my existence, people who love me when I’m a jerk and when I’m a gift from God.  This camaraderie reminds me that there are even more times when my God Self can show up and touch another friend or friend-to-be. 

Please know that your friendship is an incredible gift for which I have continual gratitude.  I don’t measure who does what for whom because anything that happens between us is for both of us.  Your love and wisdom surround me in every moment.  I think about you and smile.  So I thank you for expressing your love for me so eloquently and for knowing I love you back. 

You may say you don’t know me.  Yet I experience the energy of love and caring you share with others.  It embraces me at the grocery store when a clerk smiles and tells me of a grandchild visiting.  It greets me in church when your friends welcome me with a hug.  It brings surprise when you send your child to shovel snow from my walk.  I thank you for loving with such heart that the entire planet vibrates with joy.



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