When I was a child, I literally had no real friends – you know, the kind with whom you laugh and share your paper dolls and who are sad when you cry. And, I had no social skills either. My parents virtually never invited anyone to our home. I don’t remember helping prepare a meal or a party. Since Mother was angry much of the time, my belief was that something was very wrong with me, unrealizing she had some heavy concerns to bear.
Anyway, I was relieved to marry because I identified with a name that suffered the very visible shame of feeling unwanted and unloved. With a new name in a new city, I thought I had a better chance of being liked, at least until people got to know me well enough to then quit liking me. I knew I had the ability to attract people, just not keep them.
Bringing this to mind recently brought to me the most delightful epiphany. That was then, a product of my own mind; this is now. Lacerating myself every time someone responded to me differently than I had intended no longer applies. Second guessing myself and then deciding I have embarrassed myself publicly once again is a perception that is no longer useful.
The ‘Today Truth’ is that I have lots of friends – happy, loving, caring, sweet, kind friends – people who find joy in having me as a friend and who brighten every corner of my existence, people who love me when I’m a jerk and when I’m a gift from God. This camaraderie reminds me that there are even more times when my God Self can show up and touch another friend or friend-to-be.
Please know that your friendship is an incredible gift for which I have continual gratitude. I don’t measure who does what for whom because anything that happens between us is for both of us. Your love and wisdom surround me in every moment. I think about you and smile. So I thank you for expressing your love for me so eloquently and for knowing I love you back.
You may say you don’t know me. Yet I experience the energy of love and caring you share with others. It embraces me at the grocery store when a clerk smiles and tells me of a grandchild visiting. It greets me in church when your friends welcome me with a hug. It brings surprise when you send your child to shovel snow from my walk. I thank you for loving with such heart that the entire planet vibrates with joy.
Recently:
- Letter to You, My Friend
- Fulfillment – The Secret
- Self Tough Love
- Stuck; Unstuck
- Not Si Bon Toilette Story
- Pain = Lack of Love
- All-being Spirit
- More Child-Parent-Child
- Compassion or pain?
- Sanity…grace-full revenge
