Where are you stuck?  What is keeping you there?

After the passing of Mother on January 9, I couldn’t seem to feel comfortable that she had completed her crossing.  Regardless of the vocabulary we use, many people feel, as did Mother, that somehow those who are departing this world join with loved ones who have already passed. I’m a healer and can feel energy bodies.  She and I agreed a couple of years earlier that I would help her spirit meet with those who came for her, so I stayed very attuned to what was happening with her.  I’m speaking of traditions that facilitate those who request a partner in their dying processes.  That was what Mother and I were planning on doing together. 

After her breaths subsided, I began the ceremony.  Then I bathed and dressed her, walked her gurney to the hearse and helped place her body gently in the back of the vehicle.  Her death was not sad for me.  The Mother I knew had been gone for over a year and my grieving was nearly finished by the time her breaths were also gone.  I believe in the continuation of a life form, so loneliness or abandonment never entered my thoughts and feelings.  She had such a long struggle to get free of her stroke-bound body that I felt a quiet joy for her.  Yet weeks and weeks later, I carried the physical and emotional weight of uncertainty.  Her spirit did not seem totally free.  

Mulling this over for some time and knowing it was time to retrieve clarity, I attended a group wherein the leader-mentor asked two questions.  ‘Where are you stuck?’ and ‘What is keeping you there?’  Immediately my answer emerged.  I am stuck with regard to the manner with which Mother passed.  I know what she wanted for herself and I wanted it for her too.  Disappointment and lack of resolution keeps me stuck there.  I wondered if my concerns were holding her back.  That is the absolute antithesis of our relationship.  So, I put a sacred cloth on the floor and brought out reminders of Mother – her stuffed cat, candles, pictures of various stages of her life, flowers, incense, items she loved, her wedding picture (if you read earlier posts, you know Mother and Daddy were married 70 years), anything that brought her spirit into the room.  Candles were lighted.  Prayers of unwinding and harmony were offered.  Gratitude abounded.  I sat in the near dark with Mother for nearly two hours, after which I was free.  And so was she.

Where are you stuck?  What is keeping you there?



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